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How to spot a lame pickup line

Look at this face. Look at that smirk. Do I look like someone who will fall for your lame-azz lines?

Look at this face. Look at that smirk. Do I look like someone who will fall for your lame-azz lines?

If you are a single woman – or maybe even not one, who knows? – and you have a presence on the Internet, chances are, some guy is going to hit on you. And it will be lame.

There are a wide variety of lame pickup lines. They include the textspeak pickup:

Hi. How r u?

There’s also the “let’s get right to the point” pickup:

Make lust with me!

Then there’s the textspeak/misspelled words/missing punctuation pickup:

hey how r u doin hope ur gud will love to have a descent chat with u

And the marriage-proposal-that-is-likely-from-a-scam-artist pickup:

I wana marry u baby,ar u truelly single bcos am ready to knw u nd stick wit u.

I’ve gotten much worse ones, but I still try to keep this site a family show. But this one – and it’s one that apparently is in some dude playbook SOMEWHERE out there – has been making the rounds for a few years. I call it the Punchline Pickup. It goes a little something like this:

“Hi, I lost a stupid bet and Kelly gets to punch me, but a stranger decides where. Can you say leg or something?”

Today I caught a guy using this line, because it looked familiar not only to me, but to some of my girlfriends. I found out he discovered it on a dating web site a couple of months ago and thought it was clever.

I had to break the news to him that it was an old line, and that he just admitted to me that he couldn’t be bothered with actually starting up a conversation so he told a lie.

I tried googling the phrase, and it varies usually, but the concept is always the same:

1) I’ve lost a bet/dare (sometimes with a guy named “Trent.”)

2) My girlfriend/Kelly gets to punch/kick/hit me anywhere.

3) A stranger has to say where.

But there is no bet, no Trent, no Kelly, no girlfriend. The dude is really just too lame to think of something interesting to say to you. You know, like, “Hi, I noticed you liked Tom Petty; I saw him on tour a few months ago.” Today I actually engaged one of these people in conversation, and it ended up being even  more lame than the pickup line he actually used on me.

Basically, if someone is not willing to actually engage you in conversation, or has to use someone else’s material – that person isn’t interested in you; he’s just interested in whomever the line works with. has compiled a hilarious list of the 10 Worst Pickup Lines for Men. Some of them are NSFW.

What’s been used on you lately – on or offline? Have any of you had success with someone who’s used a pickup line on you?


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  • Paul May 14, 2013, 2:34 pm

    Seems like an even weaker tweak on the Seinfeld episode The Calzone where Todd bet Elaine something stupid, along the lines of “I bet you dinner that George Lucas directed Titanic” to go out without actually having to risk the rejection.


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