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No, I don’t want any of your crappy soup

“I’m on the noodles and water diet!” “It’s WORKIN’!” Oh, shut the hell up.

I am so sick of these damn commercials for Progresso Soup that are targeted at women wanting to shed a few pounds and fit into the little black dress or whatever.

First of all, Progresso Soup is not that delicious. It comes in a can. Usually, foods that come in a can taste like THE CAN. I mean, granted, their noodles actually look like real noodles. And maybe there’s a bit more of that pre-chewed chicken in their cans than Campbell’s. But come on. Any woman who goes on the Progresso Soup Diet is obviously so self-loathing that she needs something beyond a diet to help her out.

I wish I could find a video of this commercial, but unfortunately I can’t. Probably because Progresso would hate it if one of their ads were used in such a horrible way that made it look as if their commercials sucked.

But fortunately I found one of those shit-tastic “Special K Challenge” ads.

Get this, Special K. It doesn’t matter if it’s your cereal or Cocoa Puffs. If I replace two meals a day with a bowl of cereal, yeah, I’m gonna lose weight.

But here’s the deal – I like having energy. And not having self-loathing. Thanks.

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